Your Health Is Important

I was talking with my ex a couple of weeks ago. He was telling me about how he went to Wal-Mart to purchase a computer desk. He wasn’t able to get the box into his cart. This box weighs 50 pounds. He has spent couple of months in the hospital, earlier this year and had lost quite a bit of weight. Much of that time was spent in ICU. The nurse told him that they almost lost him at one point. So I could understand how he would have a problem with that.

Just the other day, I was talking to my ex again. I asked him, “what was the status” of him getting that computer desk. Well, he still didn’t have it. I decided to offer to help him go and get it. He is a very nice guy. But, he doesn’t have many DEPENDABLE friends.

He offers to take me out to eat as a token of appreciation, after asking if I have any plans with SJB. While we are eating, he tells me that he will have to have surgury in January. There is a gland that is overactive and his bones to loose calcium. This makes it very painful for him to get around. He said that the gland will have to be removed (I think). There are also complications from the surgury that he had earlier that was supposed to make the dialysis proceedure simpler. Among other things, those complications have caused his arm to swell and itch constantly. He has diagnosed with kidney failure at age 31.

As I listened to him describe the state of his health, I felt so terribly sad, that day. (To this day, I still feel very sad, it I think about it long enough). I bit my lip to hold back the tears. At the same time, I struggled as I tried to think of what words of encouragement I could offer. I took a deep breath and pushed the words out. I don’t remember what I said exactly.

I am writing this to encourage anyone who reads this to do more to take care of your body. With all of the advances in medicine, there are still many things that the doctor can’t fix. There is no good excuse for not taking the time to do good things for your body, such as getting regular exercise, drinking water, eating fresh fruits and vegetables (french fries and salads loaded with dressing does not count) and keeping those less heathy things in moderation.

What's the most difficult part of being in a relationship with me?

You may already have an idea of what bugs your partner, so the answer might not be that much of a surprise. Asking this question requires some openess and some courage. Once you get past the discumfort of asking this question, most of the time it is worth it. This kind of question can lead to more open and thoughtful communication, and a feeling of gratitude. Who wouldn't appreciate a partner who actively tries to improve the relationship.

This question leads to a better relationship (friendship or LTR). Even if you choose not to ask this question, the fact is, there are some tings that that you do the bugs your partner. Of course, the opposite is true as well. Nevertheless, the issue is there. If you keep it buried, this tends to lead to resentment. But if you ask the question, then you will at least know what bugs them and you will have an opportunity to make some changes.

If you ask this questions with sincerity and nondefensively, this often takes the edge off the issue. The other person get ther feeling that you really want to work towards a positive change.This makes the issue easier to talk about.

The answer that you get might be something minor or someting that is more serious. Which ever way it goes, the issue will be out in the open in a more relaxed environment. This makes it easier for this to become a non-issue.

Long Lost Images Of Obama

Time Magazine has named Barack Obama as Person of the Year 2008. There is no doubt that Obama deserves this kind of recognition. I commend Time Magazine for their decision. In one article, there are a series of photographs taken in 1980 by fellow student Lisa Jack, of 20 year-old Obama as freshman at Occidental College in Los Angeles.

He is an attractive man now. At 20, as SJB would say, I think he was cute.

Is The End Near For Club 708 and Bulldogs?

In the December 12, 2008 issue of Southern Voice newspaper, there is an article titled "Midtown activist: Black gay clubs 'magnets' for prostitution". There is an activist group called the 'Midtown Ponce Security Alliance'. According to this article, the president (Peggy Denby) of MPSA told the group's members that Bulldogs and Club 708 are primarily responsible for the abundance of prostitution in an area south of 10th Street near I-75.

Denby was very critical of Backstreet, a popular mostly White Atlanta gay club, until it closed in 2004. Backstreet opened in 1975. Backstreet had legal problems with the City of Atlanta.

Another mostly White Atlanta gay club The Phoenix, was closed in 2006. The City pulled that club's liquor license after an undercover officer observed men having oral sex there.

314 people have been arrested for prostitution this year in the Midtown area, more than half of those were men.

In my opinion, these businesses are being used as scapegoats for the prostitution in that area of Atlanta. The main reason that prostitution is illegal is because the City hasn't come up with a way to get their part of the money.

I moved here in 1989. There was prostitution going on in that area then. At that time, Bulldogs was a mostly white gay club and Loretta's was the hottest Black gay club. Loretta's closed and the building was vacant for at least five years before Club 708 opened in the same building. It was after the closing of Loretta's and The Palace, that Bulldogs became a 'Black' gay club. The prostitution in that are remained unchanged for the most part. Th article didn't explicitly state this. But the majority of male prostitutes in that are are Black.

If things continue as they have so far, it looks like Club 708 and Bulldogs will be forced to close their doors or follow Traxx and move to Dekalb County.

“Gay is the new Black” ?

This first decade of the 21 century has been full of surprises, good ones and bad ones. . I have been witness to a number of events that I did not expect to see, in my life time. Just the realization, that we still have two more years to go in this decade, makes me shudder and wonder, “What’s next?” There are actually ten events that I did not expect to see, in my lifetime. But I’ll just discuss four of those events here.

First, is the 9/11/01 Terrorist Attack on the United States. To this day, seven years later, I find it incredible that this actually happened. These terrorists hijacked four commercial passenger jets and successfully flew two of them in to the World Trade Center buildings in New York and flew a third jet in to the Pentagon. The Pentagon is the headquarters of the United States Department of Defense. They managed to pull this off before anybody knew what was going on. Just think how much worse things would have been if they had a nuclear bomb and/or a biological weapon on those jets. I never thought that I would ever see anything like that happen in the United States.

As I was growing up and became aware of local and national events, I came to realize that when you hear about certain kinds of crimes being committed on the news, you just knew that it was a white person that committed that crime. After 2002, we no longer continued to look at things in this way. John Mohammed and Lee Malvo became the first Black snipers and were responsible for the deaths of ten people.
It was amazing to see the somewhat unknown Sen. Barack Obama come out of nowhere and win the Democratic Party’s nomination for President in 2008. Sen. Barack Obama went on to crush Republican John McCain in the 2008 Presidential Election, winning with 53% of the popular vote and a wide Electoral College margin. I never thought that I would live to see a black candidate win the nomination, let alone win the Presidential Election.

Since Sen. Barack Obama has been elected as President of the United States, I have begun to see the phrase “Gay is the new Black” in a number of news articles. Let me explain this to you. Many people have the mindset that, 'now that America has voted a Black man in to the Office of the President, Black people are seen as normal. But gays are not seen as normal.' The way that they see it, how can any of us play the ‘race card’, now that the President is a Black man? So what group of people in America is feeling that they are the most mistreated? Gays. This is really all about the movement to ban gay marriage in various states. Opponents of gay marriage do not see this as a civil rights issue. Civil rights are about who you are, not what you do. So as long as being gay is seen as something that we ‘choose to do’ and not who we are, this issue will be a long virtual tug of war.

Suicide Is On The Rise!!

There isn't a week that goes by without me hearing about someone killing themselves. Most of the time, the person who has taken their life, it is an Arab suicide bomber, a criminal, who is on the verge of being arrested, or a person, who is distraught over the loss of money or love. This kind of news does not hit close to home. The person was not someone that I can relate to.

The other day, I read about a suicide the did hit close to home. A 19 year old African American man, Abraham Biggs Jr., committed suicide by taking an overdose of RX medications. His death was video broadcast live over the Internet on a site called Justin.tv. This suicide hit home for me. It reminded me that I had a male cousin who committed suicide around the same age late teens-early twenties. I never got any details about it other than he used a handgun to shoot himself in the head.

Suicide deaths are especially devastating to friends and family. People wonder 'what was so bad that this person felt that the best thing to do was to take their own life. What could I have done to help this person find a reason to cherish life.'

If you look at it honestly, you will see that there are many stigmas the the Black community. There are stigmas about being gay, HIV+, drug addiction, and mental illness. The stigma that is associated with mental illness is rarely discussed. According to some sources, the rate of teenage African-America suicide is up more than 100 percent over recent decades. In my opinion, this increase in suicide deaths among teen in our community is due to a lack of real love and support.

The following article by Herndon L. Davis, was copied without permission from
http://thedailyvoice.com/voice/2008/11/black-teens-suicide-highlights-001380.php:

A 19 year old African American son, brother and friend is dead. Abraham Biggs Jr. committed suicide on Nov. 19 by taking an overdose of pills during a live streaming webcast before an internet audience of strangers.

While some viewers logged onto the broadcast and encouraged him to take his life, others pleaded with him not to do it. Hours later after witnessing no movement in his body, viewers contacted the web site providers who notified the police that discovered his body, all of which was captured online.

Abraham's sister, Rosalind Biggs blasts the website, Justin.tv which allows people to broadcast themselves online ""They got hits, they got viewers, nothing happened for hours."

But Abraham's mother explained that "My son, Abraham Biggs Jr, was well-loved and cared for. However, the mental illness of bipolarity and depression got the better part of him.''

The Growth of Suicide and Mental Illness in Black Communities

Mental illness among African Americans, once kept in the "closet" of black families is gradually being more openly discussed but not quickly enough as alarming statistics reveal.

In the past several decades, the suicide rate among young black men has increased more than 100 percent. The American Association of Suicidology reports that suicide is the third leading cause of death among black youth, after homicides and accidents.

And Mental Health America reports that most African Americans who have bipolar disorder live their lives both undiagnosed and untreated because of an over-reliance on family and religious communities; a mistrust of healthcare professionals; a lack of access to mental healthcare and cultural barriers dealing with the stigmas of mental health.

Further, an American Psychiatric Association fact sheet explains that for some disorders, such as schizophrenia and mood disorders, there is a high probability of misdiagnosis because of differences in how African Americans express symptoms of emotional distress.

Sadly, a survey conducted by the National Mental Health Association found that 63% of African Americans feel that depression is a "personal weakness," compared to the overall survey average of 54%. And only 31% of African Americans said they believed depression is a "health" problem.

We Need Help Now

It is now time that more African Americans take seriously the state of their mental health and place it as a higher priority for themselves and for their families. Our continuance as a people depends upon it.

We must also recognize that everyone may have instances where they feel emotionally down or drained. However, persistent symptoms of sadness, loss of interest and energy, thoughts of suicide, or even changes in appetite and sleep patterns lasting for weeks, months or even years are characteristics of clinical depression, also called major depressive disorder.

If this is you, then you are not by yourself. It is estimated that between 20-32 million people in the United States alone will experience major depressive disorder or depression within their lifetime.

In addition to physical changes in the body that can trigger depression, there are many external factors that can cause prolonged depression, including societal racism and discrimination and cultural discrimination.

Hence experiencing depression is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw. But the first step to any recovery is admitting you have a problem. If you are not able to admit that you experience prolonged depressed and/or suicidal thoughts, then you likely remain in a lonely dark closet of denial and shame needlessly.

There is help through therapy and medication

Although Abraham Biggs Jr. was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was on medication, he sadly slipped through the cracks of communications with his family and mental health professionals. But Abraham's death hopefully will not be in vain. The discussion surrounding mental illness in black communities will hopefully be a crucial derivative of such an unfortunate event.

For those who think they may be suffering from depression or mental illness, most major corporations offer anonymous-based EAP (Employee Assistance Programs) that can help refer you to assistance. If this is not available where you work, then look online for "depression help" in your city to find nearby assistance.

Remember that help is available; you just need to seek it out.

Herndon Davis is a consultant, author, lecturer and TV/radio host in Los Angeles.